"When was the last time you had an orgasm from sex?"
My dick and mind simultaneously went scanning through the minuscule populous of women I had slept with, my eyes fixed, flashing through every pleasure less, lustful unsatisfying session of blueballs that befell me and I realized it had been awhile since I'd gotten my rocks off post intercourse.
"Its been well over a year," i said pathetically, feeling very dejected by the sad truth.
"I don't get it, it's not like your ugly."
"Its the Jameson," my other friend Patrick said attempting to explain, "he only gets laid when he's drunk."
Then almost immediately, Patrick and Raya got into a cab and left me without any consolation, any advice, nothing. Let's be real here though, what the fuck are they going to say?
So questions began to flood my mind; do I need Viagra? Viagra at my age? Fuck me! Is my dick broken? Am I repellent? Will my rocks ever drop off?
I want to articulate the travesty that is my libido. Some of this has to do with the devices that must be placed upon my member. We all agree that the days of casual, unprotected sex are over, ruined by some sick fuck that thought jamming his dick into a monkey would be good for a few laughs. I also think that it might be that my failing to achieve an orgasm may result in a feeling of inadequacy for the women I slept with, thinking it had something to do with them. The alcohol obviously plays the double edged sword here. On one side it propels the woman in to bed with me [woo-hooo!] and on the other side makes me about as useful as a leaky water balloon once the jimmy hat application is complete.
In recalling the random various evenings which a fuck befell me, there were nights I made them get off [or so they said] and then my body falls flat against their bare breast, I kiss them and tell them, "sorry, I'm drunk" or "I'm good" or "I'm mad tired."
These girls aren't ugly, dirty or outside their peak sexually both in appetite and performance. My problem, my explanation, my excuse for this conundrum is that I need more time, more hours to familiarize myself with their bodies, to find their rhythm and match it with mine. To summarize, a one time fuck is never going to get me off. The last girlfriend I had was a very cute Cuban girl I had known for a few years. We slept together about ten times before I was finally able to get off. I'd been out of practice, no doubt and my inability to achieve was of little importance to her as long as she got off. Now, this is my type of woman, the one that treats me like I'm the stereotype of the forlorn housewife whose husband gets off in five minutes leaving her empty and unsatisfied. I'm reversing this for all of you ladies out there. The normal protocol is that sex is over after the man finishes and I say enough! If you have a little left over for your boy and want to help him unload over a year of strain, disabled grief of limpid struggling manhood then by all means, help me. Otherwise, I want to stick to this plan, "to know" them.
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